It’s 4.09am on Saturday morning and I open the bedroom window wider to listen to the opening tweets of the birdsong. It’s yet another beauty of nature to be enjoyed by those of us who are fortunate enough to be able to hear, possibly another sense we all too much take for granted?
You may think there are better times of the day to listen to the nature but hey, I’ve been awake since 2am just thinking about stuff and actually waiting for the birds to start their conversations! Why be awake through the night? Well it happens to us all, but I’m awake and happy, happy with my lot, life is great and I’m taking in as much as I can even if it does mean a change in sleep management.
Yesterday was my final chemo for a few months, and once the minor side effects pass during the next week I intend to throw everything into the following few weeks up to the operation (possibly end of June). That means building up my fitness (I’ve already managed a slow one mile jog which felt like FIVE), I’m walking quite a bit and doing other exercises. Once all my tubes are out I might even get the bike out, should we get another day of weather like today?
Talking of tubes, my PICC line comes out on Monday, the one where I’ve been having all my chemo through, and now that I can eat normally and I’m increasing weight I hope to convince them to remove the feed tube within two weeks 🥳
The feed tube has brought other benefits than the obvious……….people.
Human nature, I’ve noticed how people’s reactions have changed towards me. My demeanour is presently one of happiness, so I generally wear a smile and I know that, as humans, we tend to mirror one another’s behaviour. Let’s face it if somebody is angry, sad, friendly, upbeat or funny in our company then we are more likely to mirror those actions. But what I’ve experienced is a marked change, and I believe it’s caused by the sight of a tube running from my backpack and into my nose. People are more courteous and friendly towards me, yes it may be brought about by an air of sympathy, but it makes for a more pleasant social environment. It’s a shame that there needs to be a visible sign to show that somebody is dealing with an obvious issue before we display an extra friendliness towards them, but we all do it, I’ve done it and will no doubt continue to.
My great friend Andy has many talents, one of which is poetry, I remember (many years ago) me getting him to read some to Burnham (Rachel’s dad), as expected Burnham thoroughly enjoyed listening to them, delivered with the timing one would expect from the poet! One or two followed the theme of us taking time to stop and stare, which I found very thought provoking even back then, but more so now.
Here is not Andy’s, but a poem of W.H.Davies written in 1911, I find it so poignant for me at this time, maybe we all should?
Leisure
What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare?-
No time to stand beneath the boughs
And stare as long as sheep or cows:
No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass:
No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night:
No time to turn at Beauty’s glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance:
No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began?
A poor life this if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.
It’s now 5.20am, the birds are quietening down so with it being daylight I’ll get up and start my daily drug and feed regime, the sooner I start my nine hour feed the sooner I can detach it and get that little more freedom.
It’s going to be yet another great day, I have friends calling but at some point I may need a nap, possibly during the Leeds v Newcastle game? Although the promise of halftime bacon butties will surely keep my interest?!
