Riding along Chemotherapy Road has given me views (of life) which I had no concept of before. In a strange kind of way it’s actually enhancing my life, a bizarre view it would seem, yet one which is true.
Let me explain.
The whole ‘taking life for granted’ thing, something which is inherent in our human make up. Life carries on as we expect until it suddenly doesn’t, and then it’s a slap in the face and a wake up call, a reality check that our futures aren’t as assured as we perceive.
Six months ago I was riding across Europe with friends, motorcycling without a care in the world, other than still dealing emotionally with the loss of Rachel. Two months after getting back I started with swallowing difficulties and now I sit in the chemo department of Carlisle hospital. All my food, drink and drugs enter my body via one of two tubes, either my feeding one which is routed via my nose and throat into my stomach, or the PICC line which enters my upper right arm and is routed through a vein to somewhere near my heart.
As one of the many drugs drip from the clear plastic bags hanging from the steel ‘drip stand’ next to me, I am completely relaxed and pain free. I know that in two days time the effect of the clear liquid entering my body will not allow me to be so comfortable, however I have already experienced both the highs and lows that this toxic substance can have.
You may be surprised to read of ‘highs’? But despite the many physically challenging ‘hits’ I’ve taken, this week something happened which I’ve been longing for over the last five weeks, the ability to swallow.
To drink and eat, we never give it a second thought, until we can’t, and then another of life’s ‘taken for granted’ comes sharply into focus!
It’s hard to explain to you the pleasure of being able to swallow, but of course you know what it’s like because you’ve been doing it all your life.
I’m just viewing it differently from you.